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Unrepentant

I’ve never been one to mince words around people who make crap comments about women. It drives me mad and though I never use abusive words but I make certain you know your words upset me.

Now I’m no feminist ….at all. I believe men should open doors for women and all that jazz about respect. Yes I call it respect. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone. If you do not respect them, then any crap is possible.

My reason for saying this is I recently trailed this blog and there was a post about cheating. Now I respect everyone’s opinion, I just don’t have to agree with it.

I’m not apologising for my comment cos given the chance I will still say the same thing.

I’ve lived my whole life around people who believe men are more important than women and should be worshipped in whatever “healthy” form (whatever that means). When a man cheats, the woman gets blamed for it. When a couple can’t have kids, the woman gets the short end. Every negative thing that happens in a relationship is the woman’s fault.

The general disrespect of women in say a country like Nigeria just makes me so damn mad and its disgraceful when an educated person passes a rather idiotic comment regarding women.

So like I said, I do not regret my comment, however, I may have been too quick with it. So I do apologise to the blogger for seeming quarrelsome on her blog.

About the author

phoenix

phoenix

  • I went to check out the blog, and I didn’t see any quarrelsome comment from you, you simply stated your opinion by disagreeing politely.

    I avoid talking about infidelity in my blog {s} because it is a very hot, sensitive and controversial topic.

    My hubby once told me, he prefers respect to love. Because when you respect someone, you won’t want to hurt the person. And many have come to accept the saying that love covers multitude of sins, hence, it’s a licence to stray!

    The Nigeria society is a polygamous one. Hence, the men gets a slap on the wrist when they go astray. But the women heads are put under the guillotine to be hacked off if she also goes astray also: A society of double standard!

    Time and time again, it is said that we women are our own worst enemies. The men cheat with fellow women with some knowing fully well the men are married and don’t give a bloody hoot! Not their fault, but that of the men, who did not respect their marriage vows.

    Living abroad for just 2 years, I have come to realize that, marriage is overrated in Nigeria compared to what I see here. Individualism is the bane of the developed society I now live. Marriage is no longer the sacred institution as it was ordained by our creator. It is beginning to lose it’s worth. It’s like when salt begins to lose it’s saltiness. Personally, I still hold on to the tenets, traditional beliefs and values of marriage.

    Infidelity in marriages has it’s repercussion in all ramification. People give different reasons for having extra-marital affair. It is strictly between them and GOD. I have simply learnt to sit on the fence.

    p.s I have answered your 11 questions. Thanks for the award 🙂

    • Thank you a gazillion times for this comment. Double standard is the sick bane of existence in Nigeria and everyone just accepts it because no matter what you do as a woman, you still get shunned. I can’t very well say anything more because you have basically cracked the skull open! Thank you!
      I have a friend who when she was single said “all men must cheat” and I remember telling her that when you go into a relationship thinking this way, then it just means you will swallow whatever excuse he gives you after cheating(if he gets caught). She’s married now and would be nice to know if she still thinks this way. Its upsetting but true about the saying you mentioned regarding women being their worst enemies. Sad but true.
      There was a story once that broke out about an African country…Kenya or Uganda I cannot recall…where women needed the govt to do something and the one way they got what they wanted was to not have sex with their partners. The gist was that every woman closed shop!!! The President’s wife to regular hookers, everyone called it quits for the time being and while I found it hilarious, it was an amazing tactic which worked very well why? Because women came together to tackle a problem. Imagine how much difference we can make if we all work together to defeat a common enemy.

    • Thanks for accepting!!! Will check out your answers !!

  • Ola

    A relationship definitely requires a balance of love and respect, or more respect than love so if one partner is put in an awkward situation such as cheating then they can use their heads and not be lead by love, lust or temptations. I also read your comment and I don’t think you were disrespectful. Just before I read your post I was discussing this topic with my friend and we both see cheating very differently and I really think its a great discussion.
    I did my Tagg and I tagged you back *sorry* but would love to get your response and am just getting more active with blog. =) Thanks for tagging me x

    • I agree Ola. We do crazy things when we are in love like making excuses for wrong doings. Ppl have different opinions regarding this topic and its really disturbing that a lot think its OK and “a guy thing”.
      Ooooh! Taking off now to read your answers(especially the Donald trump and last questions) curious to see them!!
      Lol its OK no worries. I look fwd to your own questions. Its all for fun right?

  • **waves**….Hiya mamacita……Soooo Erhmmm…I was looking through the list that Chika of The Real Cilverly put up on her blog on the 8 reality blogs that she loves and I thought to myself, ‘Hey! interesting blog…lemme read through all the posts since she started blogging’ and BAM! I bumped into this………**smiling**…I am not sure of what to say tho’ buh Anyhoo…Nice blog….

    • Heyyyyyyy….waving back vigorously…yeah im yet to go thru the listed blogs too from chioma(not chika lol)
      Haha yes this post was inspired by my comment on your blog post about cheating and that’s a very sensitive topic for me. I can just imagine your face clicking on the link and getting into your blog hahahaha.
      Anyways, no hard feelings and i do sincerely apologize for it.

  • NC

    We don’t even have the language to begin to tackle this problem. So many things that are shrouded in “this is African culture” boil down to extreme sexism. Marriage has existed before religion and our various forms of ‘God’ so this doesn’t help the conversation – in general, marriage only works when both parties put in the effort to create an ambient space for each other. That involves respecting the other person enough to consider their feelings, and refraining from something that would hurt the other person. It’s not that complicated, but it requires work. Which is difficult seeing how institutionalised sexism is, which automatically places women at a severe disadvantage in Nigeria.

    • Totally. Nigerian culture for me is very disrespectful to women and that in itself is the problem. When men think they are doing women a favour by putting a ring on it, it completely shuts down any form of ambience. Women give excuses as to why their husbands cheat and the whole chain reaction bit just spins out of control. A woman is raped, its her fault…why did she dress so seductively, what was she doing in his apartment…I could go on but you get the point. When you do not have any form of respect for your partner, anything can happen

    • So I totally agree with you about the sever disadvantage women have in Nigeria. Sexism is a huge part of the problem

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