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Selbstbewusst Factor

Have you ever wondered what people’s lives are really like?

I have….a lot of times really and for someone like me who trails instagram for every type of inspiration on blog post, outfit details, life goals (which doesn’t really make sense because life goals should come off the top of your head right?) usw, i get sad with what I see these days and inspiration becomes a figment.

Social media does have a way of sneaking (sometimes bull head on)into our lives and how we deal with it is what makes all the difference. Cyber bullying or bullying of any kind has been something the world is trying to get rid of and I applaud the effort. Really I do. We have become so blinded as people to care about how anyone else feels. The words of our mouth, our thoughts, our actions….

The question I keep asking is how far would we go to make any type of difference?

Because we are teamLGBT we come up with “scientific studies” to tell the world a person is born gay…..no you are not born gay, straight or bisexual….you are simply born and when you are old enough to understand your sexuality, you identify with it. It’s not rocket science bitte.

Or the fact that the transgender community tells the world : the doctor told my parents I am male….excuse you, you came into the world with a penis, how’s that anything else? When you are old enough (again) to understand your personality, you simply identify with whatever gender you prefar if you think you are stuck in a body that isn’t yours (no I’m not judging. I just think that the idea of loving yourself the way you are has become heavily misconstrued).

Or trying to get the world to see how much of a beautiful person you or your overweight child is, you loose the purpose of what you set out to do in the first place. As much as I hate the fact that being bone skinny is what the fashion industry supports, I also do not support being excessively overweight.

When a 5 year old is chubby, it’s verdammt cute but when they start to leave the toddler stage, the watch should begin. Especially when being overweight runs in the family. We strive for our kids to be better than us right? Kids copy what they see. When you live on fast food on a daily basis, you pass that dirty habit to your kids and then they gain silly weight and the next thing, you start a social media page to help stop cyber bullying by posting photos of said kids who get bullied. Cyber bullying I totally hate (duh!)but how did it all start?

We need to learn how to teach our kids confidence because in this world or no scratch that….in this time, standing up for yourself by fighting back is against the law. But then again, fighting back all depends on how exactly you fight back.

I’ve got an overweight friend and I remember back in school, no one dared mock her weight because she always had a great comeback. She is overweight, not excessively but she is also very confident and her fashion sense was off the charts back in school. I knew other bigger girls who looked so ragged out and I always wondered why they never got inspired by Ms confident!

If she got into a fight with some skinny girl, her first words would be: all you can say is I am fat but you…..you get the point. There are a hundred and one ways to exude confidence especially around bullys. “I am fat so what? It’s not your problem is it? I’m fat is the best you can come up with? Cow? Wanta see me flaunt my moo skills in your face? Whale? Big and free which is the least I can say about you….Them bullys go tire for you!

Running away, crying, refusing to attend school, getting depressed, attempting suicide, all that never helped nobody mbok.

Uploading pictures of your baby breastfeeding because you want to tell the world that breastfeeding is excellent, as if we don’t already know that. Then fast forward to when baby becomes a teen and his/her school mates bully them and make disgusting comments regarding those baby photos, parents get all Chuck Norris when the kids run home crying.

And let us not forget the bleach club. Getting your skin to look less dark to fit into what society thinks is best….society never knows it all you see.

I grew up with a mum who bleached so I know first hand how dangerous it is. I remember seeing for the first time, an old black and white photo of my mum. She was so pretty, nicely shaped hips and a beautiful smile that shone through her gorgeously dark skin. And I was gobsmacked by the difference. I couldn’t link the young lady in the photo to the woman who was my mum. Every scar she got was like an ugly stamp, contrasting over her really light skin, every green veins that could be spotted a mile away.

Sadly, she got into the cheapo type of bleaching courtesy of her sister in law who couldn’t afford the expensive bottles. So naturally, my dear mum used what she knew. I would always try to encourage her to use baby oil to help get her skin a tad healthy but she couldn’t understand why I wanted her to do this as “baby oil makes you dark”. Which is the same thing a mixed race friend said to me. She walked in on me slapping my body with it and nearly had a conniption at the very idea of maintaining my dark skin.

I don’t really blame them though. Back then, the fairer the skin, the better chances you got. While us dark girls had to work extra hard to achieve things that should normally come natural. Then again, we zap back to having confidence.

When a baby is born, the question ignorant people ask is “oh why is s/he so dark?” That question always pisses the heck out of me.

How can we build confidence in our children when we don’t have it either? How can we teach moral lessons to our kids when we don’t even know what’s right anymore?

How do we encourage them to grow up without letting social media destroy all our lessons when we are also ruled by social media. How do we draw the line between what’s public and what should stay private?

When would we learn to let kids be kids and encourage our 5 year old daughter to stay a kid instead of helping her transition to a boy because she likes tractors and lego toys or wants a penis like her older brothers all because you want to be seen as the perfect parents (no such thing by the way) by the media.

I wanted toy guns as a child and wore boy clothes as a teenager didn’t make me want to cut off my boobs and take hormones to transition into a man or become a terrorist. It was a phase I went through, a phase I’m slowly growing out of because I still like boy clothes. But I love my skirts and my dresses and make up and hair. Hell, I’m trying to learn to wear heels (which I’m beginning to realise heels may never be my thing *sobs*).

Am I confident? I would like to say yes because I have a ton of it where it really matters. I’m still working on being totally confident in everything because the truth is I’m still not as confident as I would like to be. I have a TWA so going out even to the stores just down the street with no make up on was hard the first days I cut my hair because I didn’t want to look like a boy. Now I am building that confidence because I like to think I am strong. And with strength comes confidence oder?!

We now live in a time when an honest opinion gets translated to hate because some people cannot take the truth. Because you don’t want to be called a hater, you keep your opinions to yourself when in reality, your opinion could actually be words someone needs to hear.

We are not perfect, so far from it actually. But shouldn’t we strive to be great without being narcisstic? If we all had good thoughts, wouldn’t that be a huge leap to world peace? Or am I just day dreaming of a time when a difference can impact the whole world, one human being at a time?

We are barely scratching the surface of greatness but we get sidetracked by the things we think we should do and completely ignore the things we need to do….

What is your confidence on a scale of one to ten?

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