I don’t know about y’all but I always feel happy when a light drizzle starts the day! For me it’s the idea that all the negativity of the day before has been washed away and a chance at a better day is promised by the rain drop on your nose! Yup! It rained this morning and I loved it!
Sure getting all wet and cold isn’t exactly a great feeling but it’s not that bad either!
Anyways, while at work my colleagues and I got into a discussion about mothers with their school age kids and it reminded me of the reactions I got from quite a number of African people when I said my Schwiegermutter was German.
Basically, their belief is that German mothers-in-law are evil and hate the fact that their precious sons are married to African women!
Is this true? Well lemme tell you that I cannot say that for a fact. Mothers-in-laws are naturally crazy human beings and expect you to be perfect because you happened to marry their perfect sons! Let’s not put pressure on you by stating that you are going to be having their precious grandkids!
I knew a girl once whose MIL couldn’t stand to be in the same room with her. She was called everything from ratchet to gold digging scum!
I met an older lady once who told me that I was lucky to have such a nice MIL because all the women she knew with German husbands, were having it bad with theirs.
I met another girl recently who has an amazing relationship with her in-law and you can clearly see that the love and respect they have for each other is genuine. She’s Jamaican but that’s not the point!
I have an amazing relationship with mine too and sure of course there are times she drives me crazy but that’s nothing to cry about because hey, my own mum drives me even more bonkers!
From my vantage point, the problem stems from communication, or better yet, a lack of it.
I personally think that as a woman from a different background meeting an older lady from an equally different background, culture is bound to clash. Who you are as a woman determines how you will handle these domestic situations.
I have witnessed firsthand, how a woman handles her sister-in-law who literally hates her.
The men, bless their sweet innocent hearts, are always ignorant to such drama because hey, how can my sister or mother not like you. Of course she does.
You as the wife know very well that said sister hates your guts and why? Because ever since you took the family name and baking buns all over the place, brother stopped sharing his salary with her. She couldn’t go to him no more when she needed express cash because he has either just got billed another christening or school fees have sky rocketed so his priorities that used to seem so easy has changed!
If you are Nigerian, you will most definitely get this one!?????
So what does she do? She completely ignores said sister-in-law and it worked for her. Her sister-in-law would visit and she would just do the regular activities of formal greetings. She never for one day sat down with her in-law to talk about anything. She never put herself in a situation where she needed to get help from said in-law and they lived in peace, albeit with the knowledge that one doesn’t like the other!
Surprisingly, her own MIL (deceased) loved her totally and always scolded anyone who upset her! Crazy right?
This girl, the so called gold digging scum, let’s call her Jane Doe, always picks a fight with her MIL. She drops the kids off for a weekend with their grandparents and she causes a scene, maybe after MIL must have “whispered* loudly. She picks them up and causes another scene! Her kids are on the phone, she passes snide comments the MIL is sure to hear. Theatrics really! Maybe her mother-in-law really does hate the fact that she is African but does her reaction help?
For me, there really isn’t any difference between a Nigerian MIL and a German one. Mothers-in-law are created to give you hell. The difference is when they choose not to!
They are handcrafted to make your life a living hell where you breathe and eat smoke and fire every day they are around!
Mine doesn’t get my jokes, so I have laid off the jokes around her. I don’t eat Rotkohl and she is making the effort to offer me something else instead when we go to her home for lunch. It drives me insane when she turns our flat into a dumping ground, by offering us items we will not use at all. She is now making the effort to not offer us crap that will either get tossed in the bin or live in the cellar until we decide the trash can should have it!
I strongly believe that communication is the key to this sort of situations. How you handle it determines how your relationship with your husband’s family members turns out.
I could suggest having a talk with the MIL if she is open to a sit down. Getting your husband involved and figuring out ways to solve whatever problems present but I’m no psychiatrist and I personally believe strongly in a person’s ability to act like a responsible adult. Plus every individual is different and has different reactions to the same situations!
Don’t get me wrong, there are some mothers who are just plain evil and revel in it but there are some girls too who just have no idea how to behave in public!
I could write a whole bunch of stuff about the idea of German mothers-in-law being extremely hateful to their African daughters-in-law but the truth is I know nada about that. Mine is beautiful and loves me and we have a great thing going on.
If I do meet someone who is having a hard time with hers I would definitely like to ask her a bunch of questions as to why that is so. Not that I am wishing someone somewhere an evil MIL, of course not! Now that’s just plain….Evil!
Have an amazing evening y’all.