Family

Heiraten Simplicities

I spent most of my life in a country that doesn’t respect women and girls so I always knew that I was getiing out the first chance I got.

I think I was so bent on gettiing out that I moved around like a zombie and was stubborn about my whole existence in Nigeria. I mean I know that things could have gone better than they did, but would I be where I am today if it had? Because I very much like where I am today.

Shahida asked me recently if I was down with featuring on her page. She created a new page that celebrates black women doing great things while speaking more than one language and it’s so amazing the people she discovers and shares with us and I asked her and myself if I was even worthy to be lined up amongst these great women.

I had it all planned out you see. Graduate school, get shit together and move to the US. The one other place I could go, where women were more respected, at least I thought so (let’s not go there today). Find myself a job, get into school and while at it, do something great…whatever it would be.

As you can imagine, life happened.

Liebhaber made me realize that fairy tale does actually exist. Now what you understand fairy tale to be is the million dollar frage.

So it’s over three years now I moved to a different city. I got hitched, I learned a new language and I have got a nine to five job…more like an 8 to 4 but stick with me ok?

I haven’t discovered anything that could change the world, I haven’t built an empire…yet…side eyes to dreaming of being an accessory designer. Neither have I started a march for the full rights of women or become the first black woman mayor of a town in Germany and that’s all good. Why? Because this is who I am, and no one is perfect. Which brings me to the theme of the beitrag for the day.

As people, we expect our better halves to be movie stars or supermodels. Or come to us pasts free which is totally stupid. I read a junk religious mail sent to me about the 30 things a woman should do to stay a great wife and I found it all bollocks. From my vantage point, women still need to demand respect regardless of what country they live in.

I don’t need a preacher lady or man telling me the things I need to do to make sure my husband doesn’t stray or ask for a divorce. I am a woman doesn’t mean that I have to be the one making sacrifices or to compromise just because I am expected to be grateful that a man saw the need to make a decent woman out of me… Whatever that idiotic statement means.

As I said earlier, no one is perfect. When you marry a woman and expect her to get your meals ready for you without caring that cooking is not her thing, or you get angry when she doesn’t act all suzy homemaker when you have got two working hands and legs. Or you go booty hunting or falling into the trap of letting that sexy co worker’s wink at you lure your ping pongs around her love pockets(all hail Luvvie Ajayi).

If cooking isn’t her thing, it shouldn’t have to be a cause for alarm. There are so many ways to learn and it’s fun doing it together too. if homemaker skills aren’t her thing so what? Get a cleaning lady or lad or better yet, do it yourself and then maybe you will definitely appreciate what it is to be a woman and see how foolish the rest of the world is for having all these idiotic expectations on women. If she’s not acrobatic in bed…ahhh dude, you gotta be bold enough to show her some skills if you are better equipped at creating heavenly clouds inside her head and heart. A man is stupid in my books if all he does is complain about how his wife doesn’t make him go jeepers bonkers in bed or wherever kinky place you two want to hump. If you are so good at it, bloody show her the ropes.

There is no marriage for dummies book or marriage 101 textbook. When you get married, you are not just loving another human being, you are protecting their heart, building an everlasting friendship. You are saving the world really because we know that love and acceptance makes the world a better place. Not that you should go accepting idiotic things of course!

I am not here to gloat about the fact that my husband and I got extremely lucky in love because we did and we celebrate that everyday of our lives. We hold on to the hope of it staying that way, growing old together and still staying madly in love. My mother in law finds it weird that I am always happy even after two failed ivf trials.

Of course I’m sad it hasn’t worked out yet but I won’t base my life on the sad things I have gone through. I am alive and with someone who makes me very happy. That’s reason enough to not dwell on sadness.

I’m happy because of the man I married. I’m always happy because he is happy. He is happy because of the woman he married… (Moi in case you are wondering!!) and that is what counts right? We have both love and respect for each other and that goes a long way in “the grand scheme of things”!

I think that life should be easy. If you are a good person deep down inside, the simple idea of marriage should be easy to stick with. It isn’t just a piece of paper with both signatures scribbled in. It is faith, it is acceptance, it is brave, it is beautiful and it should be respected by both.

I grew up with a mum who couldn’t accept the fact that her husband was never going to be faithful and get her ass out of the marriage because she came from a place where marriage was supposed to be made sacred by the woman and divorce was the devil’s advocate and if the Mr cheated, it was the Mrs’s fault.

I have said it before, love is never enough for a relationship to work. You have to respect each other as well as be in love. If there isn’t any respect, everything is bloody possible. Die Möglichkeiten sind endlos.

Leben soll wie ein Stück Kuchen sein really. It needs to be that simple. We should stop making easy things seem so difficult. Let’s live like that one piece of cake!

About the author

phoenix

phoenix

  • I had to redo the comment. I put the wrong hyperlink lmao.

    Excuse my language but could you stop BS’ing and reply to my questions I emailed you, so I can put you on my page????

    Thanks for the mention. I appreciate you as always!

    Shahidah
    http://www.blackgirlslearnlanguages.co

    • Bwahahhaha! I swear I have been trying to ignore that email cos as I said, I really don’t feel worthy enough to be featured among all that greatness on your page!! And you are welcome sweetness, likewise

      • Stop it! You know I did a small Instagram only feature on a Nigerian woman who cloned genes before making the biggest travel group for people of color there is: travel noire.

        I actually welled up thinking, I’ll never compare to this woman. But guess what? We aren’t meant to. There can only be one me. There can only be one you.

        I won’t harangue you anymore but I will give you gentle reminders every once in awhile. Don’t feel discouraged. It’s my page and organization. If I’m asking you, it’s because I think you’re great enough to share with the world. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have asked. You should feel flattered. I didn’t ask everybody ☺️ Just the ones that were #BlackGirlMagic

        Xoxo,

        Shahidah
        http://www.blackgirlslearnlanguages.co

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